What is Empathy?

Let’s take a look at some of the fundamental, brass tax building blocks of empathy. By starting with the fundamental attitude, skill and process of empathy, we can start to fill in the picture of what an empathic life looks like.

The fundamental attitude — Non judgment

Whenever we are in conversation or relation with someone, there is a filter through which we define the interaction. This filter can be open or closed to what is actually happening, depending on our attitude towards the other person. Approaching interactions with the basic assumption that the other person is worthy of being listened to and engaged with, and their experience of the world valid, is a fundamental building block of empathy. It is the soil from which behaviour can then grow.

The fundamental skill — Active listening

The key empathic behaviour is active listening. The more you can focus on what’s being said and how it’s being communicated, the more you’ll notice and the greater degree of understanding and connection. This is the key skill of empathy – bringing yourself alongside another person and communicating to them that you understand and are fully present with them.

“Empathic listening takes time, but it doesn’t take anywhere near as much time as it takes to back up and correct misunderstandings when you’re already miles down the road, to redo, to live with unexpressed and unsolved problems, to deal with the results of not giving people psychological air.” – Stephen Covey

– The fundamental process — Congruence + authenticity

Carl Rogers spoke often about the natural tendency of organisms to grow towards becoming their best self if the obstacles blocking this growth are removed. This process of moving towards becoming your best self is called congruence, the outcome of which is authenticity or what we might call alignment. The amazing thing about engaging in empathic practices and mindsets is that you create the environment for both you and the other person to move towards your best selves simultaneously. Congruence occurs when we non judgmentally listen to and allow another person’s experience to be communicated.

So by maintaining and cultivating a non judgemental attitude, engaging in active listening and living authentically and in congruence with who we want to be, our lives become increasingly empathic and connected.